So I read many entries on Diaryland where everyone told their hopes/resolutions for the new year. Entries of being better people, world peace, positive expressions of love...

Um, yeah...Screw That!

I've decided that 2004 is going to be the year that I get back in touch with my inner-bitch. I want to be selfish, shallow, and the life of every party I attend. I've decided my place in the Universe is right smack-dab in the center of it.

So, for the year 2004, I want to....

1. Get a new career. I want a job that makes me feel like a big shot, is fun, and sounds cool at parties. And goddammit, I want a big, huge salary to go with said job.

2. Do one thing one time a month that takes me completely out of my comfort zone.

3. Have ultimate freedom of choice.

4. Have a hassle-free, independent, creative, part-time job.

5. Quit being a doormat around my friends. Without going into a lot of detail, I've noticed in the last few months, I apparently barely register in the universes of my "friends." I want them to realize my time is important, that what I have to say is relevant, and that life isn't always about them.

6. Throw the kick-ass party of all time. I'm talking the kind of party that ruins all other parties for the attendees ("man, this might have seemed like a good party a few months ago, but not after The Muse's ultimate party!"). Police reports detailing the night's activities are optional.

7. Find my passion and pursue it.

8. Stop finding myself the victim of boring, repetious conversations. Just once, I would like to have the guts to say, "you know, I was scheduled for a lobotomy next week but after listening to you for the last hour, I can pretty much scratch that off my to-do list."

9. Find fame for my unique opinion and creations. I want everyone to know my name, but I don't want anyone to bother me at the grocery store.

10. Inspire someone to create art.

11. Have the lyrics from Captain and Tennille songs permanently deleted from my memory banks. Mac Davis too.

12. Go to Europe and cause a sensation.

13. Be a real writer and artist.

14. Unquenchable laughing fits several times a day.

Now, a special shout-out to my friend Robyn, who does not fall under #5 but insists on living thousands of miles away from me in South Korea. Although she may look like a docile mother-of-two accountant on the outside, she would totally ride shotgun with me on every single one of the things listed above. But, her living in South Korea does have an advantage. You get really fun Christmas gifts that show how differently Koreans approach the concept of "marketing."

My first gift is a tissue holder. So far, pretty tame. But, on it, is the ultimate super-heroine, Tissue Woman! She's wearing a crown, bikini (with Tissue Woman printed across the back strap), boots, and has the apparent "super power" of tissue popping up out of her back. The second gift is a sketch book. But not just any sketch book, it's the "Happy, Happy White Girl Creative Power Sketch Book." Who knew Hitler survived the second World War and became a marketing director in South Korea?

So, that needs to be our battle-cry for 2004...

Happy, Happy [insert your ethniticity here] Girl Creative Power!!!!