During high school, I always heard the "bad" kids telling exciting stories of teenage rebellion complete with underage drinking and police officer speeches. My little nerdy heart was so jealous that I decided to try and emulate these devil-may-care idols of mine.

The best I could manage was getting on my town librarian's shit list.

It started innocently enough. I had checked out a book and had honestly forgotten to take it back. I received a phone call from the librarian, Peggy, informing me the book was past due and that I would face a fine. There was just something about her tone that set my dissident heart afire. The condesceding turn of phrase, the threat of persecution....screw "the man," I was keeping the book.

So, I kept it.

For about two years.

At first, she continued calling my house. And, I probably would have stopped my protest had she not upped the ante. One evening, my grandma called to state that Peggy had stopped her on the street to ask her when I was going to return the book. This was fantastic! Not only was I involved, but now she was stalking my family members all over town. Over the next few months, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins were subjected to Peggy's public pleas of returning the book. This amused me greatly.

I kept waiting for her to take what I considered the next logical step, organizing hordes of vigilante librarians. I pictured bands of pissed-off librarians, sharpened pencils and wooden rulers in hand, following me to school, work, and home loudly shouting "Shhhhhhh" until I caved. I worked on my resistance levels and was ready. But, apparently, Peggy lacked my imagination, or didn't have enough librarian friends, and the calls and stalking died down.

I was so disappointed. I had always pictured her, late at night, making little "heh, heh, heh" noises as she plotted my demise. Wild ideas involving ninjas, FBI agents, and covert operatives. But, no.

So, after almost two years of having the book, I became bored, waited until it was a free day (one where you weren't charged a fine), and put the book in the drop box.

I don't even remember the name of the book.