For femmeproject

October topic: Mothers

My mother married young and had me young. She had the chance to go to college, but the fear of the unknown overtook her and she decided to go the "safe" route, the one taken by the females before her. It's much easier to go with something you know rather than take a chance. You might fail.

And I'm never going to be like her.

She has stayed in a loveless marriage for thirty-seven years now. More than once, she has told me that if she had known it was going to be like this, she never would have married my dad. But, she does believe she has it better than most. Besides, she's too afraid to do anything else. What would she do on her own? Would she be able to make it all by herself? Better to stay in something convenient than take a chance and have something go wrong.

And I'm never going to be like her.

She hates her job. Many times I've told her to try and find something in the city rather than stay in a small town with no opportunities. But, there's the thirty mile drive and all. There's a lot of traffic on those highways and the people drive crazy. Why change? There's security where she is. She's been there about eighteen years. It's too scary to pick up and change jobs at her age. She would have to adjust to a new boss, a new work environment, and a new life.

And I'm never going to be like her.

She has felt that life has passed her by. The years go by so fast and, the next thing you know, it's too late for so many things. Too old to go back to school, too old to get that degree she's always wanted, too old to start over.

And I'm never going to be like her.

My life is secure. I don't really like my job all that much. I somehow stumbled into the field of aging and, sixteen years later, it's all I know. I long for a more creative job, but Oklahoma really doesn't foster that type of field. But, I can't move, can I? I mean, I've been here since I was four. I'm a little too old at thirty-six to be making such big changes now. Too old to start over. I should be content that I even have a job, what with the job market being so down and so many people out of work. What if I just "chucked" it all one day and then things don't work out? Better to stay with something you know rather than take a chance. You might fail.

And I'm never....

P.S. This is a guest entry for femmeproject. It is a diary that features the female writers of Diaryland as guest writers. They give you the topic for the month and you write an entry and send them the link. Since I have so many talented females listed on my profile, I thought some of you might be interested. You'll find the link to their site on the right (on my buddies list) and link to email Amanda on their site to get the details (for some reason tonight, I can't link in my entries...the old age is acting up again). So, sign up ladies!