The home that I grew up in resulted from my parents clearing out an acre in the woods to build their own house.

Now, I realize the above sentence sounds quaint, in a "Little House on the Prairie" sort of way. As for the reality? Well, there are a few things to consider.

You know how much we humans like the comfort of living indoors? Multiply that by about a thousand, and that's how much mice, scorpions, centipedes, and SNAKES loved living indoors. It was like living in "Wild Kingdom" without Jim and his trusty tranquilizer gun to even the playing field.

I think the worst thing, though, was the party phone line. Since it was so rural when we first moved there, we had to share a phone line with all the other residents in that area. Let me see if I can explain this system....okay, you know how you would be on the phone and your irritating brother/sister would pick up another phone in the house to make farting noises? Okay, now replace "irritating brother/sister" with "complete stranger you don't know." My mother would be on the phone with my grandma and, all of a sudden, the voice of the Yandell's teenager would interrupt the conversation with, "get off the goddamn phone, I want to call my friend." That's right...if someone else was on their phone, you couldn't use your phone, and complete strangers could listen to your every conversation. Still sounding quaint?

Screw the "good ol' days." I love living in my "snake-free," modern apartment.

And, I have my very own, separate phone line.